The Ad
by netrat
Summary: He’s hired Quirrell. He’s hired Lockhart. He’s hired Lupin and Mad-Eye Moody aka Barty Crouch. Now Dumbledore is not afraid of what the future might bring anymore, but he still needs a DADA teacher. Time to take desperate measures ... Fluff. FINISHE


_He's hired Quirrell. He's hired Lockhart. He's hired Lupin and Mad-Eye Moody aka Barty Crouch. Now Albus Dumbledore is not afraid of what the future might bring anymore, but he still needs a DADA teacher. Time to take desperate measures ..._

_This is really just a thought I had one morning. It's not strictly humorous or angsty or anything at all._

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter. She does. If you have to ask who "she" is, go read the books instead.

**The Ad**

Albus Dumbledore, sitting in his office, was popping another lemon drop into his mouth as he thoughtfully read this year's applications for the DADA job. Or rather, this year's application. There was only one and it was – big surprise – Severus Snape's. In fact, it was the same one he had handed in every year, as if he didn't want to spend any time or effort on a hopeless cause. Dumbledore sighed. Severus was a good man in his very own way – a lousy teacher, though – and surely had learned something from his past mistakes, but ... there must be someone else ... The DADA job, just like the posts of the Transfiguration and Charms teachers (and, to a lesser extent, that of the Potions teacher), was one of the most prestigious Hogwarts had to offer – or had been it. Now people were thinking that it was jinxed, probably by Voldemort himself ... Dumbledore took a magnificent peacock quill (a relic of Gilderoy Lockhart's short teaching career) and thoughtfully started to draft the advertisement he was going to put into the _Daily Prophet_, the _Wizards League Journal_, and quite possibly even _Witch Weekly_.

WANTED Defence Against the Dark Arts Teacher 

_for one of the finest (if not the finest_, he wrote and then crossed it out again – it didn't do to appear boisterous of the fact, even if happened to be true_) schools of wizardry and witchcraft in Europe._

_We offer:_

- _free meals and accommodation_

- _a challenging job _(he or she would have to teach the fifth year Gryffindor and Slytherins)_  preparing our ambitious young students for the battle against V- _

He crossed out everything starting with _"preparing" _and changed it into_ "... teaching our ambitious young students_", not because he didn't want to mention the battle – which he was sure would come – but because he didn't want to get into trouble with the Ministry and neither was prepared to write _You-Know-Who_ instead of the proper name. Then he sat thoughtfully, chewing the quill. It was going to be a long day.

The finished ad, which appeared in the above-mentioned papers and magazines (and also, after Dumbledore had given the matter some consideration, in the Bulgaria-based _Vizard Tribune_), read as follows:

WANTED Defence Against the Dark Arts Teacher 

_for one of the finest schools of wizardry and witchcraft in Europe, even if I do say so myself._

_We offer:_

- _free meals and accommodation_

- _a challenging job teaching our ambitious students_

- _good salary and benefits_

- _facilities for scientific research_

_We expect:_

- _first-hand experience in the subject (_he had resisted the urge to add _"preferably not in the form of carrying a Dark Mark"_ here, but had, after some consideration, included:_ "Proof must not be given in the form of a number of best-selling books with alliterative titles.")_

- _experience with children (preferred)_

- _knowledge and acceptance of recent political developments _(the closest he had come to spell out "_applicant must not deny that Lord Voldemort has risen again_")

_Lycantrophy and/or a criminal record are no obstacles. HOWEVER, DEATH EATERS WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED FOR THE JOB. Applicants should bring a list of the topics they wish to cover, which must not include pixies, werewolves, and the Unforgivable Curses (the students already know about these). Fairness, impartiality, or personal hygiene not required. Applicants may be asked to occasionally referee Quidditch matches and/or defend the school from Death Eater attacks. References required, but anyone referring to Lucius Malfoy and/or Cornelius Fudge will not be considered. Applicants must be able to speak of Him Who Must Not Be Named using his real name (not Tom Riddle)._

_Applications to be delivered personally until the end of term to_

_Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts, Floo connection 1-234-567_


End file.
